Calm to comfort

And if I want to be of true comfort - and along the way, exercise the self-discipline to not dump - then God will provide those resources. 

One of my favourite hymns.  Note especially the third verse, given the current conversation. 

Sing-a-long below the lyrics.

May the mind of Christ my Saviour
live in me from day to day,
by His love and power and controlling
all I do and say.

May the Word of God dwell richly
in my heart from hour to hour
so that all may see I triumph
only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
rule my life in everything,
that I may be calm to comfort
sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
as the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self-abasing,
this is victory.

May I run the race before me
strong and brace to face the foe,
looking only unto Jesus
as I onward go.

 

Katie Barclay Wilkinson (1859 - 1928)

 

 

Comfort in, dump out

This weekend I read a FANTASTIC article from the Los Angeles Times called "How Not To Say The Wrong Thing" by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman.  It's about how not to be a discouragement when someone is in a situation of serious illness, grief, trauma, bereavement or difficulty.  It is called the Ring Theory.  You can read the full article here. 

Quoting directly from the article, the Ring Theory works like this:

Illustration by Wes Bausmith from here

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma...  Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma... Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones...

Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

Comfort in, dump out.  That is, you find your spot within the circles and then you offer only words or actions of comfort to anyone further in than you.  If you need to dump on someone, you do that with those further out from your spot.

What is dumping?  It's saying things like...
   I couldn't believe how awful he looked.
   I felt sick seeing him in hospital.
   I hate going into hospitals.
   I don't agree with some of the decisions the family is making on his behalf.
   He is taking a long time to get over this.
   I saw him the other day and he looked fine to me.  He's just putting it on.
   I remember when my neighbour was in that situation.  She...(blah blah blah)
   I remember when I had a similar problem. This is what happened...(blah blah blah)
   This whole thing is really putting a dampener on our lives.
   Do want to know what I would do if this was happening to me?
   Are you still dragging yourself around?

Or doing dopey stuff like asking someone closer to the centre to look after your kids for you all weekend so that you can get away for a bit because the whole thing is getting you down.

The point is this.  Your aim is to not make things harder for those further in than you.  If you are struggling and you're not the person in the middle you should set out to find the support you need from those who are further from the centre and probably feeling stronger than you are, so that you can be strong to comfort and support those who are closer to or right in at the centre.

Comfort in, dump out.  Good thinking.

Holiday Bible Club

A display connected to the theme for the week.

Every year during the first week of the July school holidays our church runs a Holiday Bible Club for primary school aged children.  This has been happening here for a long time - 24 or 25 years I've heard it said - so it's a well oiled machine.  A couple of dear ones have asked me to blog about it so here goes.

What it looks like

HBC runs for five mornings 9am to 12pm.  On the first four days (Monday to Thursday) it looks like this...

9:00 - 9:15  Registration and drop off.  While that is happening the children are ushered into the hall (via the church so that they can see what a church looks like) to colour in a picture connected with the day's story.  The pictures are glued onto a mural that builds up over the week along a big section of the hall wall.

9:15 - 9:45  The children go outside for fast, furious, non-stop action games.  That is, the children are run ragged for half an hour to burn off energy so that they're ready to sit still and listen.

9:45 - 10:45  Teaching time.  We have someone from OAC Ministries come each year to run this hour of Bible teaching through stories, games, quizzes, puppets and all sorts of fun.  The folk at OAC are really, REALLY good at what they do.  Outsourcing the teaching to experts in the field frees us up to make sure the rest of the programme is as good as we can make it.

10:45 - 11:00  Morning tea.  Our trusty team in the church kitchen put on a morning tea fit for a birthday party five mornings in a row.

Craft for Daniel in the lions' den

11:00 - 11:50  The children do a craft activity connected with the theme of the teaching time.  We try to have someone ready to play games with those who finish early so that everyone is kept busy and occupied right up until the last moment.

11:50-12:00  Final notices, a prayer and off the children go home with their parents.


On the Friday we reverse the order and invite the parents to join with their children from 10:30am.
9:00 - 9:15  Registration and colouring in.
9:15 - 9:45  Action games
9:45 - 10:30  Craft
10:30 - 11:00  Parents, children and leaders have morning tea together.
11:00 - 11:50  Teaching time - which includes a bit of summary of the week, new material and a presentation of the Gospel for the children and their parents, all at the skillful hands of the OAC presenters.
11:50 - 12:00  Wrap up, prayers and farewells.

Nuts and bolts

Teaching time
Each year we run to the theme provided to us by our speakers.  This year it was Heroes from the Bible.  Other recent themes have included The Beatitudes, The Fruit of the Spirit, Stories Jesus Told and a theme that tied in with the Olympics.  There is memory verse for each day.

To charge or not to charge
There is debate about this.  But we charge $5 per day per child with all sorts of exceptions for differing circumstances.  The money collected goes towards paying for OAC to come and for some reimbursement for craft and food costs where required.

Dress up day
We didn't do it this year, but some years we have a dress-up day, usually on the Thursday.  Last year when we did the Beatitudes everyone got to come in yellow and black (bee colours) and we even had a few dressed up as bees.

Correspondence
We send a letter of invitation during term two to children who have attended HBC in the last three years.  Each day of HBC the children take home a letter which includes a summary of the day's story and teaching, the memory verse for the day, advanced notice for the Friday morning tea arrangements, notices about the bookstall running and any other thing we might need to advise and contact details for the church.  And every child who attends receives a letter by mail during the first week back at school thanking them for their attendance, reminding them of the things we learned, wishing them well for the term ahead and with some information about our normal Sunday services.

Advertising
Other advertising is via flyers to all the students who do Scripture in the local primary school, posters in the local shops and library and letters are sent to local churches and nearby schools for their newsletters. 

That's it in a nutshell.  Seems so straight forward when you put it like that.  :-) Let me know if you want more info, and if anyone else has these sort of programmes running at their church, please let me know what themes you have used.  I'd be interested to collect ideas for future reference.

Why didn't I pray?

After an afternoon spent with a friend talking deep and good things over a pot of tea why, to finish off our time together, didn't I pray?

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.  Eph 6:18

When I sat and listened to someone talking about how truly hard life is at the moment, instead of saying, "I will pray for you," why, then and there, didn't I pray?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matt 11:28

During recent weeks, when I found myself fretting over something again and again why, instead, didn't I pray?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Phil 4:6

While on the phone and hearing the details of a friend's crisis or as I sat and read the email with the bad news why, on the spot, didn't I pray?

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  Gal 6:2

When I was wronged or just plain irritated why, instead of harbouring bitter thoughts, didn't I pray?

Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  Luke 6:28

When I was standing in the queue for all that time why, instead of staring into space blankly, didn't I pray?

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.  1Thes 5:16-18

Why didn't I pray?

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. Luke 18:1

The best advice ever

There's lots of good advice out there.

Always eat breakfast.

When you do, rinse the leftover weetbix off the bowl before it sets like cement.

Stick the mobile phone that went through a cycle in the washing machine in a jar of rice to dry it out.  (Not sure if that goes for smart phones...I haven't graduated that far yet.  Actually, I don't think I have ever had to put a phone in a jar of rice...but I'm told it works.)

It's always important to use your manners.

Plan for it to work.

If you have been off work sick, come the afternoon of the day you think, "I am well enough to go back to work tomorrow", go to the supermarket and buy eight things from eight different aisles.  When you get home, if you have enough energy to put all eight items away as soon as get back, then you are well enough to go back to work.  If you need to sit/rest/have a nap first to recover from the shopping trip then you need another day off.

Speak less and listen more.

 

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But what is the best advice I have ever received? 

The best specific advice I have ever received was from a dear, trusted friend, just before our first son was born.  She said, "Five minutes is better than no minutes."  She was referring to Bible reading.  What?  Only five minutes?  But what great advice it turned out to be.  Because having a baby rocked my Bible reading world.  It isn't that mums of new babies don't have time to read.  New mums don't lack time, but what they do lack is a) the capacity to maintain that very wonderful routine of rising early and enjoying a long, uninterrupted quiet time and b) the capacity to concentrate for a long time.  Or even a short time really.  And it was truly good to have my friend's advice in my back pocket for the many times when I was tempted to think, "If I can't have a decent block of Bible reading time then it's just not worth even bothering."  Because it is worth bothering to read even a little bit of the Bible and five minutes is so much better than no minutes in that particular season of life when the big, hour long block just isn't going to happen.

That was advice for a specific time of life...and it was life saving advice. 

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The best, more general advice, I have ever received is this.  Always pray against bitterness.  When bitterness takes hold it escalates into all sorts of horribleness.  Often quickly.  So much can be avoided if bitter thoughts are nipped in the bud.  Bitterness due to some injustice - great or small.  Bitterness wrought of some slow, simmering annoyance.  Bitterness from feeling hard done by.  Bitterness because I am a sinner and prone to bitter thoughts.  I was glad to receive this advice many years ago.  I haven't always been so good at applying it.  But I always look upon it as the best advice I have ever received...and the best advice I would do well to heed. 

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble.

Hebrews 12:15.

Status Report: July

Amazed: that it is July.  So soon.

Sorted: myself onto Feedly by way of a reader with the impending demise of Google Reader.  It was an 11th hour bid - late at night on 30th June.  And happily it seemed I didn't need to get myself  Chrome to manage it - it was quite happy with Internet Explorer.  (I've got no idea what I'm talking about...tossing about all these techno-terms.  Don't be fooled.)  That said, from where I am sitting right now, it doesn't seem to have disappeared yet, although as Ali said here, maybe it just isn't 1st July in Google-land quite yet.  Shall see what tomorrow brings.

Saw: The Great Gatsby during June.  I went during the middle of the day in the middle of the week - it felt even naughtier than being out on a school night - on my own and armed with a bag of maltesers that I didn't need to share with anyone (not the jumbo sized bag FYI.)  It was an opulent, depressing, visually rich, sad, perfectly executed film.  Magnificent. Luhrmann absolutely nailed it.

Love: love, LOVED a visit from my dear buddy also during June.  She flew in from another part of Australia and stayed with us for a few days, en route to other parts.  So wonderful to share time with her again.  It will be my turn to cross the border to visit her in a year or two.  A most blessed friendship that always picks up where it left off and always, always deepens with each pass.  And it was she who worked out that the apple peeler gadget could slink, adding to the fun of her visit.

Chuffed: with the lovely Ally's lovely collection of teacup pictures.  Looking at these is as good as sitting down with a cup of Early Grey tea and a good book.

Almost: ready for the Holiday Bible Club programme that our church runs for five mornings during the first week of the July holidays for school children.  I had to overcome significant inertia to get my contributions of craft projects for the HBC prepared.  Thank you to those who heard my whinges and prayed.  I'm well on my way now.  And I am especially pleased with the lion puppet and also Gideon's tea light in a jar.  (Deb...that tea light craft idea I sent you has finally risen to the surface.  I knew it would be useful one day.  But wow...it took me ages to find paper doilies in the shops.  And I felt ridiculous asking shop assistants for them.)

Reading: Mansfield Park by Jane Austen.  I thought I knew all of her novels but it seems I am not familiar with this particular one, so it has been great to read an Austen novel cold, as it were, without seeing it through my memories of a film or TV series.  Dear Jane does turn a beautiful phrase.  The question is, will Fanny marry Edmund or Mr Crawford, leaving Edmund to marry Mary Crawford? Or maybe she won't marry at all but become Aunt Norris' companion.  Fifty pages to go...

Enjoyed: the Egyptian exhibition brought out from the British Museum to our local museum. Immensely.  The boys loved the mummies and the canopic jars.  Real canopic jars that would have been used to house some poor distinguished Egyptian's innards.  I loved studying the papyrus documents and writings carved on stone.  It made me ponder the Bible anew - amazing to think that all those pages of the Bible would have been recorded like that, giving me fresh wonderment at the writing and preservation of God's Word.  I tried to pass my wonder onto the boys but it is very hard to compete with canopic jars.

Watching: West Wing all over again and loving it.  And I have to say that the last five or ten minutes of episode ten in series one are probably the best ten minutes of television you'll ever see. 

Continuing: to think about a quote I read on Wendy's blog a while ago from Ted and Joni Eareckson-Tada's book Joni and Ken, an Untold Love Story.  Says Joni, "If I were sitting next to you this very moment . . . wherever you are . . . I know what I would say to you. I would say, 'Oh, please pray for your partner.' Hands down, it beats any how-to marriage manual or nationally renowned couples' conference."

Looking forward: to all your good advice. 

Signing: off for now.  More craft preparation to do.  In front of a West Wing episode.

Guess what?

It turns out my apple peeler, corer and slicer...

doesn't just peel, core and slice.  It makes apple slinkies!

All of a sudden I think I've become a kitchen gadget person. 

Food and fame

Part of the plan for this year was to try a bit harder with the cooking.  One of the things that helped me was a humble recipe magazine found at the checkout in local supermarkets called Recipe+. There were a few issues during the summer months that were especially helpful in overcoming the cooking inertia. 

So helpful that in an idle moment just after school had gone back for the year but before my year got too busy, I banged out an email (not even a letter!) to the editor about how helpful those summer editions had been and happened to mentioned (because I am such a clever cook) that the Thai style pork balls were equally delicious when made with chicken mince if pork mince was nowhere to be found and hey presto!- I notched up my next minute in the series of fifteen minutes of fame.  My email was published in the May edition.

And for my humble efforts I won a prize, which arrived in the mail today. 

There is an apple peeler (which peels, cores and slices), a lemon squeezer, those scissors (five blade scissors for chopping herbs), a cut and carve board (with an angled surface to collect crumbs and liquids) and a garlic zoom (which is a bit like my beloved happy chopper but garlic clove sized). 

Apart from my happy chopper, I'm not that much of a gadget person so I'm not sure what I am going to do with all of these things...but it was fun to win a prize and receive a parcel in the mail!

I think I must be doing OK on the cooking front because in my mother's day card back in May, one of my boys wrote a spontaneous acrostic poem using the letters of my name and for the "D" said "Does good cooking."  And everyone is certainly getting very good at trying new things for dinner in this household.

Have yet to make one of these, as per one of my aims for the year.

 But there is still time.

And I have recently discovered that this recipe for cheat's minestrone soup is even nicer without the pasta.  It takes things even further away from minestrone authenticity...but given it was already straying from the authentic whose to be worried?

And use as much fresh basil as bravery will allow.  The more the better.  Dried basil not so good.

Stephen and the books I've been reading

I find the stories of Pakistan, Afghanistan, North Korea and that unlikely convert are still roaming around my mind.

Last Sunday I covered the two chapters in Acts about Stephen in Sunday School - how and why he was chosen, that magnificent speech and then his persecution and horrible death.  We spent most of the lesson talking about persecution - and what a blessing it is to live here in freedom and safety. 

I could have illustrated the idea of persecution with anecdotes from Afghanistan or North Korea but in the interests of developmental appropriateness I told the story of how a Chinese couple under threat of persecution prayed the Lord's Prayer instead.  These two, they sat together, held hands and prayed the Lord's Prayer in their minds, too scared to even whisper the words in case someone heard them, squeezing one another's hand at the beginning of each new line.  That way they knew they were praying the words of the prayer together.  And we had a go at it ourselves.   

But I am always gripped by the last two verses of Stephen's story.

While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit."  Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them."  When he had said this, he fell asleep.  And Saul was there, giving approval to his death.
Acts 7:59,60

It is the mark of a life of deeply faithful, prayerful, loving devotion to God that one faces a violent death by praying for the perpetrators of the awful crime.  I find myself continuing to think about how it isn't ours to decide upon the extent of the reach of the gospel.  Stephen didn't.  He prayed that God would forgive those who were so angrily and awfully ending his life.  He was praying for their salvation.

And then there is Saul, standing there, giving his approval to Stephen's death.  No-one would dare go near Saul with the good news of eternal salvation through Jesus Christ for fear of similar treatment.  And yet, Saul's world was turned upside down soon after and then he proceeded to turn the gentile world upside down with the good news of Jesus. 

These verses take my breath away.  They encourage me to keep digging where the ground is hard.  And to keep praying for those doing hard yards in hard places.  It's not our decision.  And with God, all things are possible.

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor's Journey into Christian Faith by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield has been doing the rounds of the blogs for a while.  It found its way onto my pile of books to read late last year but I have just got to reading it very recently.

Written by an English professor it is, as you would expect, beautifully crafted.  It's an autobiography - Rosaria Champagne Butterfield's journey from successful English literature professor at Syracuse University specialising in Queer Theory and committed lesbian to a pastor’s wife who now spends her days teaching not university students in lecture theatres but her adopted children around her own kitchen table.

I have read quite a few reviews on this book - I was interested to see what other people thought.  There are many positive reviews out there on this one and interestingly, each one picks up on something different.  This books meets different people in different places.

Three things struck a chord for me - all from the first half the book.

The first is the lesson that it is not up to us to decide how far we think the gospel can reach.  The gospel can makes it way into all sorts of tiny nooks and crannies that we would never have imagined to be within its reach.  It's just not our job to decide who we think will respond to the gospel and who we might consider to be a lost cause.  I felt rebuked for times of being judgmental.

The second is that sharing the gospel is not about shiny programmes and polished performances.  In this case it was through quiet conversations around the dinner table over many, many months of calm, kind, patient hospitality, slowly answering questions and never forcing the issue or pushing for a result.  I felt rebuked for my impatience.

But it is the third that most captivated me. 

There are many victorious stories of conversion to Christianity out there, where the new convert is full of joy and zeal and energy.  And it is a great and wonderful thing to be brought into a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, so don't get me wrong. 

But my own conversion was not like that.  The day I became a Christian I went from being the consummate goody-goody to discovering that my life was full of sin.  The day I became a Christian marked the beginning of six weeks of being more depressed than I've ever been in my whole life as I came to realise how much of a goody-goody I wasn't and twelve months of utter exhaustion as I set about rethinking every thought and opinion I held to make sure it lined up with what I newly believed.  I remember crying for someone when I heard they too had become a Christian, knowing that they were now heading into a hard time of re-evaluating everything and appreciating their own sinfulness.  Becoming a Christian turned my whole world upside down.  Now I am glad for it - for having my world turned upside down and for the things I learned during that time - but at the time it did not seem an easy start.

And my experience was nothing compared with Rosaria Champagne Butterfield's start to the Christian life.  She says towards the end of chapter one:

When I became a Christian I had to change everything - my life, my friends, my writing, my teaching, my advising, my clothes, my speech, my thoughts.  I was tenured to a field that I could no longer work in...I was writing a book I could no longer write... 
Page 26

And later on of her conversion, "I lost everything but the dog."  (p. 63)

I don't want to celebrate her pain.  But I was glad to read her honest account.  I suspect that this experience of having one's world turned upside down is more common than our cheery books or blogs would have us believe.  Life is messier than that.

This is good, honest writing.  I didn't agree with everything she had to say - that seems to be a common thread in the reviews I've read as well - and so perhaps that needs to be said by way of warning when sharing this book with others, but none the less, it's a worthwhile, instructive and encouraging read.

A prayer for today

This morning I read the last words of David from 2 Samuel 23.  In the middle of those words is this verse:

Is not my house right with God?
Has he not made with me an everlasting covenant,
arranged and secured in every part?
Will he not bring to fruition my salvation
and grant me my every desire?

Today I am praying that I will deeply and truly know and trust that my life for all eternity is arranged and secured by God in every part and that my every desire will line up with His desires and not be driven by my own selfish heart.

Status report: June

Worked out that my Bible reading plan goes through the Old Testament, Proverbs and the New Testament once but through the Psalms twice in the year.  I became suspicious when I started in on Psalm 119 recently and it was only May...  But I am more than happy to read through the Psalms twice in a year.

Loving reading Psalm 119 bit by bit.  It is wonderful to read it as a whole - so don't be frightened of its 176 verses.  Yes, it lacks the compactness of Psalm 117 but did you know you can read the whole of Psalm 119 out aloud in less than 15 minutes - it's a fine thing to do in a group.  For now I am enjoying reading it at the rate of eight verses a day and dwelling on all the goodness to be found there in.

Started reading Spurgeon's Morning and Evening daily readings.  This was a little volume I HAD TO HAVE a couple of years ago.  I received it for Christmas in 2011 in response to that need and have just started in on it in the last couple of weeks... a-hem...

And it is lovely.  How are these words from the morning reading on 21st May?

"Do not rest, O believer, till thou hast a full assurance of thine interest in Jesus. Let nothing satisfy thee till, by the infallible witness of the Holy Spirit bearing witness with thy spirit, thou art certified that thou art a child of God. Oh, trifle not here; let no 'perhaps' and 'peradventure' and 'if' and 'maybe' satisfy thy soul. Build on eternal verities, and verily build upon them."

"Build upon eternal verities and verily build upon them."  How good is that?

Speaking of being slow on the uptake when it comes to auctioning Christmas presents, determined that June will be the month in which I season the new wok I got last Christmas.  But I think I have decided that I won't worry about a slow cooker. 

Also reading Tim Chester's Unreached: Growing Churches in Working Class and Deprived Areas.  Good reading.

Have four books sitting and waiting to be read after I have finished the Tim Chester book.  But life is going to get busy for a while so it may be time to relax with another Jane Austen novel.  Mansfield Park is next in the line up.

Enjoying remembering and talking about the fantastic holiday we took over the end of April and beginning of May.  That's why I wasn't strictly in situ for last month's status report.  Can you guess where we went?

Delighted that Wendy has joined me in monthly status reports over at her blog Musings.  Wendy does excellent book reviews as well and there is a veritable treasure trove of helpful reviews to be found there.  And I am loving the contributions to the Prompted to Write posts as well.  It is a joy to read how a few of us handle the one topic. 

 

Writing and receiving letters in the mail. It happens in short bursts and it's lovely when it does.  Feeling as though the blogging muse has left me somewhat.  I have about ten posts in various states of draft and none seem to be quite getting over the line at the moment.  I'm sure the blogging muse will return, but I am enjoying the company of the letter writing muse in the meantime.

 

Thankful to God for words and His Word.  Thankful for being able to read, write and communicate in words.  I think often about this quote from Jon Bloom writing at the Desiring God blog.

Lord… You have the words of eternal life. (John 6:68)

Christians are word people. We’re really into words because the Founder of Christianity is the Word (John 1:1). He came to earth to deliver a message in words. Those of us who have believed his words recognize them as the “words of eternal life” (John 6:68). And we seek to speak these words to others so they too can have eternal life. We call these words the gospel.

Christians are also book people. We’re really into books because our Founder left us a book, a collection of the words he determined are most important for us to know and remember.

This means we’re not into books merely because they’re good for us — as in a good book is health food for the brain, though that’s true. We’re into books because words mean the difference between life and death. If books contain the right words, people may live — forever!

Look what came in the mail last week

Thanks so much Jenny.  I can't wait to use them.  As hoped, they are made on handmade paper which is always so nice to write on and the detail in the designs is wonderful.  Head on over to Jenny's blog for details if you would like to buy some as well and support a micro-enterprise venture in Kenya.