Disciplines of a Godly Family by Kent and Barbara Hughes

I have just finished re-reading Disciplines of a Godly Family by Kent and Barbara Hughes.  One of the reasons I picked it up again was to locate the aforementioned quote - a quote that has served me well.  Circumstances had us move churches six times during the last ten years.  This quote has rebuked me when I have been tempted to personal laziness when in churches with great children's programmes, given me good courage when we were in churches with little or nothing for children and in all seasons, has challenged my thinking and spurred me on as I think about the nature of Christian parenting.

I didn't just hunt for the quote though and leave it at that.  I read the book right through because it's a great book.   It's not a parenting guide as such.  It's more a grab bag of good, solid ideas for godly parenting.  Some of the things they mention are not culturally relevant and some things I just wouldn't choose to do.  But lots of the Hughes' suggestions are terrific and truly helpful. 

One of the suggestions that really took my notice this time around was one to do with food!  In the chapter on building up strong family traditions they talk about meals on special occasions.

We have come to realise that consistency, not innovation for innovations' sake, is important.  So we have established tradition entrees: turkey at Thanksgiving, tamales and enchiladas on Christmas Eve, prime rib at Christmas, and lamb at Easter.  Predictable aromas, especially as they are associated with regular family celebration, enhance the anticipation of the event and more importantly build a sense of continuity and security-which is so important in this changing world.  (p. 51)

I really like this idea.  Building up traditions not just by the events themselves but through the senses.  We do it visually with decorations and music at Christmas and the sense of taste gets the big ticket at Easter with all that chocolate, but I do love this idea of appealing to the sense of smell as well.  I do this with fruit mince pies at Christmas - they certainly fill the house with a particular aroma, even if the children can't bear to eat them just yet.  (Which, I might add, is not a bad thing, because it leaves more for the grown ups!)  But now that I have some headspace to be thinking about cooking, it is worth thinking about extending this to other times of celebration during the year.

The other thing that stood out for me this time throughout the book, with all their suggestions and ideas, is the the Hughes' strong emphasis on prayer.  They dedicate a chapter to the role of prayer in parenting, which includes the list of headings they used to pray for their children - spirituality, character, friends, health, protection, problems, future spouse and praise.  But it is clear that they didn't have a tick box attitude to prayer with regards to their family because every chapter was infused with examples of praying with and for their children - it was underlying all the suggested activities in all their different contexts running through the book.  Regular, specific, sacrificial prayer.

Common sense tells us that the highest priority must be given to prayer if we hope to enhance our children's spiritual development.  Yet this is where so many parents fail to measure up.  Candid conversations have convinced us that many, perhaps most parents' family intercessions are little more than perfunctory nods toward God: 'Lord, bless Kaitlyn.  Keep her safe from harm, and help her to be a good girl and love you.  We thank you for her. Amen.'  This is, of course, an acceptable prayer.  But it isn't much of a prayer.  It lacks specificity, like the generic missionary prayer, 'Bless all the missionaries everywhere. Amen'  - and it is about as effective.  Effective intercession for our chilfren requires that we pray with the mind engaged, in detail, with appropriate earnestness... (p. 60)

Ouch!!

I have heard a handful of Christian men and women interviewed at different times - older, godly, wonderful men and women whose children are all grown up and setting their own courses in life now, some well and some not so - who were asked if their was anything they regretted in how they did things with their families.  The universal answer is always, "I wish I had prayed more."  I guess in some respects that this will always be the case but in the context of lives that are naturally busy, it is good to reflect on their wisdom.

Everytime I read Disciplines of a Godly Family (or Disciplines of a Godly Woman, for that matter) I am encouraged and affirmed but I am also rebuked and challenged.  This time around, the challenge is to tighten up my prayer life with respect to our children.

And to cook a lamb roast on Easter Sunday.

Cultivating the Soul of your Children

You must never succumb to the thinking that this is the responsibility of the youth group and Sunday school.  True conversion of the heart and soul of your children is your God-given charge.

From Disciplines of a Godly Family by Kent and Barbara Hughes, page 64.

Inspiration for the Family

Sometimes when we look through the family album and come to an early family photo, we become reflective.  The photograph is a testament to the potential of every Christian family.  Each child is an eternal soul who came into existence because of the love of his or her parents, something that could never happen to angels no matter how great their love.  Each child is utterly original.  Each has an eternal capacity for God.  At the heart of every Christian family lies the hope that their children will come to know Christ early and will go on to full lives of service.

The opening paragraph to Disciplines of a Godly Family by Kent and Barbara Hughes.

Words of Encouragement - Spiritual Disciplines

I have read Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes many times. In fact, I used to read it once a year and each year I would be affirmed and encouraged by certain chapters and receive a hearty rebuke from others. Each year the affirmation and the rebukes shifted around the different chapters as my circumstances changed.

"Spiritual disciplines" is a bit of a loaded phrase. It fills some with delight, it causes others to roll their eyes, it causes many to cross the line from grace to works and plunges the perfectionist and the legalist to despair. But this book is beautifully written – firmly founded in the grace of God, in the saving work of Christ and not in our own feeble attempts and endeavours. It is not about working our way to salvation. It is about seeing our relationship with God grow.

The following paragraph is from the first chapter and it is the first thing I have underlined in a book (except my Bible which is growing in underlinings with each passing day!) since I left university. For one whose primary love language is acts of service and who therefore often veers towards works and not grace and who could veer towards legalism if left to her own devices, I have found this framing of the spiritual disciplines powerfully helpful. To my fellow would be (or should I say, don't want to be) legalists, I hope you find these words an encouragement.

Many of us think of spiritual discipline in terms of 'living the letter of the Law' or as a series of draconian rules that no-one could possible live up to. Such legalism seems to us a path to frustration and spiritual death. But true discipline is a far cry from legalism – thank God! The difference lies in motivation: Legalism is self-centred; discipline is God-centred. The legalistic heart says, 'I will do this thing to gain merit with God.' The disciplined heart says, 'I will do this because I love God and I want to please Him.' The true heart of discipline is relationship – a relationship with God.

Whether you are a legalist or not, I highly recommend this whole book – if you are a woman. And if you are man lurking here (welcome!) Barbara's husband Kent has written the companion volume Disciplines of a Godly Man. And Disciplines of a Godly Family is also an excellent read. So something for everyone!!

Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes page 14